You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.Mae West
There are so many different ideas on what comes after life. Is there afterlife? Are we reborn? No one knows. I guess we’ll have to wait and see, or not. Thinking about what might have been in an earlier life or what might come in the next, will not allow us to live the life we have right now.
Yet, a lot of us think too much about the what-ifs and if-I-onlys… We happen to live in the past or the future, and while doing that we miss the present.
If the world would be the way it was two years ago, things would be different. I know that. But thinking of how doesn’t help me. I need to focus on what is happening now. And where I will go from here.
Dreaming or obsessing about what could happen in the future? Yes, I like doing both. It depends on my mood. If i’m in a good mood, I will daydreaming about all the wonderful things that are yet to come. If they do. On a bad day, I start worrying. What if that happens? And what if this happens? It might prevent me from making a mistake and making plans and thinking of what could go wrong, is for sure a good thing. But in the end, I have no influence over so many things.
This qoute is perfect for a day like today.
Michael and I have been making plans to meet this summer. The idea was that he’d travel to Germany and we’ll spend time together. Laughing, loving, playing, being us. But the world is unstable. He isn’t allowed to enter Germany, because he’d enter from the UK and we’re not letting them in right now. No matter whether the person is fully vaccinated. Apparently, fully vaccinated people from the UK will be allowed to enter again, in the foreseeable future. But when exactly – no one knows.
We found a solution. And waited. I worried a lot whether other countries will change their travel laws as well.
Three weeks from today we are going to meet. Hopefully. So here I sit and write and wonder whether booking the place I found is the right thing, whether it’s the right time for him to book travel arrangements. In three weeks I will look back and think “Why didn’t we book sooner?” or “Why didn’t we wait just a few more days?” I can’t be sure now. All I can do is reread the quote and realise that I have to live my life the way it is now.
I’m sure, I will calm down, once the flat and the train is booked. And yet, I will check daily to see whether anything changed. I will continue to do so, because it’s who I am and because the world is the way it is right now. I need to understand that certain things are out of my hands and my control.
In three weeks, I will stand in front of him and smile and be happy and enjoy the life I’m living.