Sex is Love

Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.

Hunter S Thompson

I have been thinking about this quote for a few days now and couldn’t come up with something to write about. Just a few minutes before I sat down and opened the QuoteQuest page again, I had been mean in my DMs. And something the guy, I was being mean to, wrote fit to the quote.

A bit on the background.
I unlocked my Twitter account, after getting it back – that post still needs to be finished. Now everyone can see all the thoughts I share. They can comment and like. They can also write DMs. My DMs are open and I try to be nice when receiving a DM from someone I don’t know.
A few days ago a guy (I assume) said “hi”. I replied and very soon he started telling me that he wanted to talk to me via Skype, because he is interested in fucking me. That last part is not an assumption. That was his answer after I asked him why he wanted to talk to me.

When a conversation gets to that point, it really depends on my mood, how it’ll unfold. If I’m bored or want to play and be mean, I will keep going and talk to the person. I realise it’s a total waste of my time, but so is Netflix. If I’m busy or annoyed the conversation ends or the person gets ignored or blocked. Or all of the above.
It seems, I decided to have a bit of fun and asked the guy why he wanted to fuck me. And also, whether he had considered the fact that I might NOT want to be fucked by him. Shocking, I know. Long story short (and I’m still torturing him as I write this), he wrote the following statement:

sex is love

I told him that I feel bad for him that he thinks sex is love and went on with whatever nonsense I was irritating him with. But that sentence stayed in my head. Also because there was a time when I’d have sex in ordered to feel loved.
I’m not alone in that. There are a lot of people out there thinking sex and love are interchangeable. Meaning that if a person sleeps with you, they love you. Or, if someone loves you, they’ll sleep with you. And also: If someone doesn’t sleep with you, they don’t love you.
All of those thoughts are very dangerous.

There are times when a person doesn’t want or can’t have sex. For whatever reason. It doesn’t mean that they stopped loving the person they’re with. At certain times our mental and/or physical health needs all our attention and that is alright. For the person needing time for themselves, and also for their partner.

I don’t believe that sex without love is hollow and ridiculous. Sometimes it is just what it is. Sex, desire, giving into passion – and maybe never seeing that person again. There are some who can’t have one-night-stands. They aren’t wired that way, and that’s is fine. But someone who does enjoy moments like that shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them. Maybe they aren’t ready yet, although they love their person. Sex is no proof of love. And the more I think about it, the more upset I get.

When I started writing this post, I wasn’t sure where I was going – as it’s often the case with my posts. But the more I wrote, the more I thought about the qoute and I can now say that I strongly disagree with it. Neither of the options are hollow and ridiculous. What might be right for one is wrong for the other. But generalising something as personal as sex and love is wrong.

Love and sex are two wonderful things. Together and on their own.
Enjoy all the aspect of it, the way it feels right for you.

Read more thoughts on that quote on QuoteQuest: