Stubbornness is a bad character trait for a submissive.
If I follow that logic, I can tell you that I’m a horrible submissive.
I’m stubborn. I’ve always been. My parents keep telling me stories about my stubbornness as a young child. I was definitely a stubborn teenager. Thinking back, I feel rather bad for my parents.
We didn’t fight much. Not at all, come to think of it. But we’d have a discussion about something or they’d tell me what they thought was right. I listened and then did what I thought was right.
I’m not stubborn just to be stubborn. I can admit that another idea is better and I like hearing other opinions. But sometimes, in certain situations… I can’t help it. And often, I don’t want to.
There are times when I feel I need to be stubborn, because otherwise it would mean defeat. But often, it’s also because the inner struggle is hard. I’m aware that I’m being stubborn, and I might even want to give in, but I can’t let myself.
I wanted to give an example of me being stubborn and I had a very recent situation in mind. But I couldn’t remember what I was being stubborn about yesterday. So I asked Michael and he pointed out that I’m stubborn a lot and it’s hard to tell why I was stubborn at that specific moment. As we tried to narrow it down, we still were left with a few moments. And that was just one day. So maybe there’s no need to provide examples. And I’m sure Michael will be happy to tell you all the many times I’m being that way. Like how I was just being stubborn about being stubborn. But I’m wandering from the subject.
Now, being stubborn doesn’t need to be a bad thing. As other character traits it can be a good thing. Once you overdo it, it becomes bad.
Now, how about a stubborn submissive?
I guess that can be a bad thing. It depends on the dom in that case. If you prefer to not have to “make” your sub do something or don’t want to keep have discussions about things which seem like little things to you – a stubborn sub is not for you.
That is perfectly fine. But both the dom and the sub need to be honest about it. I know for myself, I can adjust in some way and for some time. But I can’t change my personality. I can work on it, but it’ll never go completely away.
The question for me is, how much does stubbornness stand in my way?
It certainly does. And I assume I’d have had easier moments in my life if I was less stubborn. Same is true in d/s. But I’m not and I have to work with what I have and how I am.
I’m sure there were relationships which ended because of that. Either it was not right for him or me. For now I can say I have finally found someone who can definitely put up with my stubbornness.
Because he understands, because he can relate, and because he’s can be pretty stubborn himself. It is yet to be proven, who is more stubborn.
Stubbornness is not a bad character trait for a submissive. If it works within the relationship that sub is in.
If you are stubborn by nature, then your dominant should be a calm, balanced person. Wise by nature. Only then can your duo be sustainable. Opposites attract. + -.
If stubbornness does not get in the way, it sometimes helps to achieve impressive results.