The Dominant Partner

The Dominant Partner

What does dominance in a relationship mean to you?
What traits will a Dominant have?
How should a Dominant behave?

I identify as a submissive. But I still have opinions on how a dominant should be. Or rather, how my dominant should be. What works for me, doesn’t necessary work for another sub.

What does dominance in a relationship mean to you?

It needs to be clear that we are talking about a d/s relationship here. I’m not going to talk about dominance in vanilla relationships.
Dominance in a d/s relationship means to me that (in my case) he is the dominant partner. He’s the one having the last word – although I might need to work on that. He’s the one making the rules. But all of that within the lines we negotiated before. And we keep negotiating the lines. Circumstances might change and rules need to be adjusted.

What traits will a dominant have?

I don’t believe that a dominant has to be an Alpha female or male. His dominance over me doesn’t show by dominating other people. I believe a dominant needs to be patient and caring and able to listen to others. And a dominant must be willing to learn. Someone who acts like they know everything, usually hides the fact that they know very little. If one is not ready to learn new things and want to understand how something works, won’t be able to connect on that very deep level which is so significant for a d/s relationship.
I know that once I publish this post, I will think of about 145.097 more things to add here.

How should a dominant behave?

A dominant should be a decent human being. As should the sub. As should everyone. I think that covers most of the things I could’ve mention separately.

In the end, the dominant is not just the dominant. A dominant is the submissive’s partner. And that is the most important thing. Never forget that it’s a partnership. Within the rules and limits all parties involved agreed upon.

Learn more about the 30 Days of D/S at LovingBdsm


  1. You hit the nail on the head a couple of times here.
    1) it’s a partnership. I once heard a great quote. The sub serves the Dom and the Dom serves the relationship.
    2) Willing to learn. I run into trouble when I stop learning. Things die when you stop learning. You become on autopilot if you aren’t a continual learner. Stagnation is death. Even Newton knew objects at rest stay at rest. Objects in motion stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force. If you keep learning and your learning as a partnership and sharing lessons. Then growth is continual and usually positive.
    The only other thing I would add is the partners both D/s need to communicate. If you communicate your needs or desires or you don’t inquire as to what your partner may need that isn’t being met trouble comes. That means you also have to listen. Those subs communicate in subtle ways sometimes. Watch for visual queues as well as verbal. Watch their mood and see what that says. Cuddles often cure many ills and offers closeness for communication.

      1. What can I say, I’m an engineer and the longer I live the more I realize the truth in the statement Physics is Life. Or rather life is Physics?
        Time is relative an nonlinear.
        Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, life is a balanced equation.
        A positive feedback loop will create an infinite response as long as their is no resistance or governor. Just an engineer’s philosophy.

  2. „His dominance over me doesn’t show by dominating other people.“

    YES! It’s so strange to me that people think that if someone is the big D in a relationship, they must be that way all the time. I know it’s true for some people, but it’s not a universal truth.

    And thank you so much for joining in on 30 Days of D/s!

  3. Pingback: What's (not) in a Sub - Lillith Avir

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