What’s (not) in a Sub

What’s (not) in a Sub

Does a submissive have certain behaviours?
Do submissives do specific tasks?
When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

After posting my first post for 30 Days of d/s, I couldn’t wait to get the next email, with the next questions and things to think and write about.

Does a submissive have certain behaviours?

Just as I said in the post about doms, you can’t recognise a submissive by the way they – we – act in every day life. I know, I have mentioned the following story over and over again: A few years ago, after I finally opened up about my interest in d/s to a friend of mine, her first question was: ‘But you’re the dominant part, aren’t you?’
That stuck with me for many reasons. But mostly it showed me that it is ok to be submissive to your dom and not be seen by others as submissive.
There are so many ideas people seem to have about subs. They are weak, they are doormats, and of course something must be wrong with them mentally. Oy!
A person who identifies as submissive can be whatever way they want to be. Strong and independent or in need for guidance. Sometimes all of that at the same time.
A submissive is a person, who chooses to submit to the right person.

Do submissives do specific tasks?

I love tasks! I mean, really, really, really love tasks.
I would beg for tasks. It is an important part of d/s for me. It has always been. I had to learn to understand that while I might want more tasks, that is not always what is best for me. I now know that it’s better to take on one task at a time and succeed, than have many and fail at all of them.
While I love having tasks and receiving them and doing them, there are plenty of subs out there, who couldn’t care less about tasks. Or don’t like them. It simply doesn’t work for them.
Are there universal tasks? Tasks that are done by every sub?
Only one thing comes to mind.
Caring for the dom. But that isn’t saying that all the responsibility lies with the submissive only. Just as the sub cares for the dom and their need and well-being, so does the dom care for their sub.
It is a partnership – with a consensual imbalance of power.

When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

I really had to think on that question and talk to Michael about it.
I see other d/s relationships and the way other submissives are and what kind of dynamic they need. But in the end, that can only be an indicator for me. I have to figure out myself what submission is for me and how I can and want to be submissive.
Every now and then I have those moments where I wish being submissive would come easy to me. I don’t mean that I have to force myself to submit, I do that because it’s what I want. What I’m saying is that sometimes I wish my head would make it easier to just be and feel, and think less.
On the other hand, I like myself and the way I am. I don’t want to change and I don’t think anyone should, just to fit some idea another person has. It has been a long way to get to that conclusion and I won’t lie, it’s a work in progress.
So when I think of my submission and me as a submissive, I smile, because I love that I get to be that and myself and not have it be a contradiction.

Learn more about the 30 Days of D/S at LovingBdsm

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