I was waiting for this topic on 30 Days of d/s:
Do you know what your hard limits are? Are there a few things you’d like to try but you’re a little nervous? They’re such a big part of D/s and kink, it’s never a bad idea to think about them no matter where you are in your relationship.
Limits.
I have written about limits several times. There’s always a new thought or idea or aspect which I come across. While my view of limits never change, a lot of things to do with them do change.
I don’t remember the first time I was asked about my limits. But by that time I already had some.
Of course I always had some, but it’s hard to know what they are, when you’re new to all that stuff. At times I was looking for a new dom, I had a list of my limits in a document. That way I could simply copy and paste.
I’m not sure I ever had a moment where my partner would tell me that something wasn’t on my list and because of that it was ok to do it. But I certainly have heard and read of cases like that. Bullshit!
What I have been told though, was that limits are what separates subs and slaves. Apparently subs have limits and slave don’t. Bullshit again.
Understanding what one’s limits are, isn’t always easy. You might have tried or experienced something that made you feel bad or uncomfortable. But I can say for sure that several things on my list I have never tried. I read about them, saw other people do them and I simply knew, it’s not for me. Even with things that aren’t logical. It’s about feeling good while doing the d/s thing. For everyone involved.
And limits can change. For example, I loved to be slapped. Oh I remember the first time I was slapped. Boy did I get wet. But that changed. And after a while it changed again.
The same is true with the belt. I loved the belt. But after rather unpleasant experiences, no belt will touch me again. For the time being.
Of course there are soft and hard limits. But even those can change either way. Sometimes all that needs to happen is one bad experience and you’re not able to enjoy something you’ve enjoyed before. At the same time you might become curious about something you never ever imagined even thinking about.
All that is right and valid. No one should feel about changing their limits and adjusting it. Neither sub nor dom. We are human being, we change. Situations change and so to circumstances. We experience new things and learn and grow. So do our likes and dislikes.
I’d like to end with a personal experience. I have mentioned some of my limits which have changed. Most of those changed because of an experience I’ve had.
There are other hard limits, which have always stayed exactly that, hard limits. Anything that results or can result in permanent marks, to name one. So branding or tattoos are a no-go. But also things that are connected to it. So things that can or do involve blood like needles and knives were on my list pretty much from the beginning.
When Michael and I did wax play, he took out his knife to get the wax off me. He informed me about that before, made sure I was ok with it, and was extremely careful. That was in March 2020, right before the first lockdown.
Before we got ready to meet again now, we talked about things we’d like to try and one of the things I listed was “knife play”! I was very surprised about myself.
I’m sure I will write more on that, but I can tell you, he delivered. And even more so:
I loved it!
What changed?
In that case I believe it was a limit for me, because it is somehow dangerous and well the possibility of permanent marks plays into that as well. But I never really gave it another thought, because it also is a bout trust. A lot of trust. Like a huge amount of trust. Not saying I never trusted any of my previous doms before. I know what I have never trusted any of them in the way I came to trust Michael.
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Limits exist for that, in order to push them apart.