Say the Word

Say the Word

self care isn t selfish signage
Photo by Madison Inouye on

Another day and time for another post for 30 Days of d/s:

So, the question today is, what’s your safeword? If you don’t want to have one, why not?

I have written plenty about safewords. I have thought in it a lot and strongly believe that safewords are necessary.

Just resently I changed my safeword and I think we are both happy with it. I haven’t shared my safeword with anyone outside my relationship and somehow I don’t want to. That might be a bit silly, but that’s how I feel.

What I can share though is something I’ve learned during our time together in France in the past two weeks.

Michael wants me to use the safeword. He needs to know that I feel comfortable using it and it is a way for both of us to be safe. So he’ll spank me for as long as it takes, or use some other form of impact play.

Sometimes I still have trouble using it. I wonder whether he was about to stop after the next spank anyway or maybe that I could take a bit more. He knows about these thoughts and we work hard on me overcoming them.

We had one play moment where things were said. I like it when he talks in the moment. Telling me the bad things he’ll do to me or some fantasy. In that particular moment it was a fantasy. He was telling and I enjoyed it. But then things took a bit of a turn.

I begged him to stop and there were tears and hugs and aftercare. After I had finally calmed down, we talked. Not so much about what it was that triggered me to stop the moment, but the how.

He looked at me and asked: “Why didn’t you use your safeword?”

All I could answer was that I didn’t even think of it. The more I think about it, the more I realise that it’s logical to use one’s safeword not only when one experiences physical pain, but also in other situations.

I was mentally overwhelmed at that moment. I didn’t feel good and wanted it to stop. But the idea of using my safeword didn’t occur to me. Never have I thought of that option.

Safewords make sure we’re safe. Physically and mentally. Safewords are necessary for all people involved.

Learn more about the 30 Days of D/S at LovingBdsm

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