Today’s topic for 30 days of d/s is: Introducing d/s to your vanilla relationship
With the following introduction:
Everyone is at a different point in life. Some people are married and happily kinky. Others are happily kinky but still single. And some find themselves thinking about kink while worrying about how to tell their vanilla partner. At some point, we can all find ourselves in a similar situation.
I thought about skipping this one. I was sure I would. I really didn’t want to write about today’s topic and I decided I won’t. There’s plenty I have to say about it and so, so many thoughts, but I’m not in a place to share it yet.
But then I had an idea.
I decided to reverse today’s topic.
Introducing vanilla into your d/s relationship.
I had my share of vanilla relationships. I also had a few d/s relationships.
I draw this distinction on purpose. Those are two very different things for me. In all my previous relationships it was either the one kind of relationship or the other..
All vanilla relationships I ever had were exactly that – vanilla. Some might have involved some light spanking or handcuffs. But that was it. Also, I had most of my vanilla relationships before I realised that I’m into all that stuff.
My d/s relationships too were just that – d/s. While I had feelings for the men I was with, these feelings were usually not talked about and I did my best to not get lost in them. And even when I expressed them, the d/s was the common denominator. I’d even go so far to say, if it wouldn’t have been for the d/s, I wouldn’t have dated many of those men.
What I’m trying to say is that my vanilla world and my d/s world never crossed and I worked hard for it to stay that way.
My d/s relationships were always temporary. I never knew how long they’ll last, but it was always clear that they would not last. Enjoy it while you can. All that is due to circumstances and I was usually fine with it. Looking back I think it was for the best.
Vanilla was for love and kisses and d/s was for whips and bruises.
Now, here’s what happened to me a while ago:
I replied to a tweet.
That led to DMs and WhatApps and right into d/s. I found myself in a d/s relationship. We talked about limits and rules, aftercare and tasks. We got to know each other and learnt about each other. Obviously I’m talking about Michael here and there are plenty of posts to read here about us and him.
Why am I writing about the same story again?
Michael had a very different approach to d/s and other expectations than I did.
I didn’t introduce anything to him, but he did. Obviously he didn’t introduce d/s into our relationship, because that is how it started. That was the starting point.
He introduced the vanilla into our d/s relationship.
For him d/s and love and all those things are connected. Go and search his blog for “love” and read his thoughts on love and kink. While I have seen couples who have “normal” relationships and do d/s, in my mind that wasn’t something that would happen to me. It’s two separate worlds, which have no way of coming together. He talked a lot about love and d/s. He wrote on that topic. He showed me how I don’t need to separate the two.
Here I am, after many conversations and discussion and I might start to believe that vanilla and d/s can work together. For me.
Learn more about the 30 Days of D/S at LovingBdsm
I think it’s great when this relationship can be combined. But at the same time, one must understand that this is a rare case. And maybe you just got lucky.
How convenient it is when everything is together. And there is no need to look for anything on the side.