When You See Me…

When You See Me…

chalkboard with white we see you inscription
Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

I have been so occupied with work and 30 Days of d/s that I almost forgot to write a post for my own prompt. But I remembered…

A dominant person recognises a submissive person…
…not with the eyes, but with the whole being.

I so disagree with this statement and believe it to be very wrong.
I would even go so far to say saying that is pretty arrogant.

I believe that we are able to see people who are like-minded. Whether it’s political views, a certain sense of humour, sexual orientation or religion. I certainly can tell some things by the vibe I get from someone. But that is not a in depth kind of knowing. I might be able that someone has something major in common with me, but it will still take a lot of time to see and learn about a person to understand what that might mean to them or what their take and thoughts on ideas and details is.

When it comes to dominance and submission I believe it to be very tricky.
There are people who are for sure dominant or submissive. In the way they act, talk, look. But that has nothing to do with d/s. Otherwise there wouldn’t be the stereotype of the successful businessman who secretly, or not so secretly, goes to see domme. When you see him acting at work or with his friends one will never assume he’s submissive.

Someone who’s submissive in their nature doesn’t necessarily want or need to submit to a dominant. And a dominant person can have no desire to have a submissive. Those are two very different things and that needs to be understood and kept in mind.

As for d/s.
Of course there are ways to recognise d/s. But those are signs of d/s. Just a few weeks ago I ran into a couple whose daughter went to the same class as MiniMe1. We talked and I couldn’t help but notice her necklace. The pendant was clearly a d/s symbol. I’m still wondering whether they noticed how often I caught myself looking at it. Wouldn’t I have seen it, I wouldn’t be sitting at home now, writing this and wondering who the s-part and who the d-part is or whether it was just a necklace.

But a necklace or any other symbol that we wear is just that a symbol. It shows something to the world outside to recognise and tell others something about the person wearing it.
But without something like that I believe that it’s often impossible to tell. And that is also not what the prompt is talking about. It’s talking about seeing and recognising someone because of their being, not a symbol visible to everyone.

I know I have told that story over and over again.
Years ago, when the 50 Shades thing was quite popular, one of my best friends had read the books and tried somethings out. She had told me about it and was very proud of all the new experiences she made. Somewhere during that time I opened up to her about my journey into d/s, a bit of my experiences, my blog (although I don’t think she ever looked at it) – basically I told her about Lilly.
When I told her, I was careful, because one can never know how people will react.

I must have started with something like “I’m into d/s”. Her immediate response was “But you’re the dominant part”.
To be fair, she is not a dom, but someone who knows me well. Her thinking that made me understand how others see me, how I appear to my surroundings.

I would agree that with some people you get a feeling whether they are submissive or dominant, in the d/s kind of way. But a generalisation that we one can feel whether another person is either is wrong.
You can talk to someone, get to know them, and end up telling them that you think they might be d or s. That can be surprising to them.
But I do not believe that it’s possible to “see” and recognise someone’s submissives.

When you see me…

…don’t assume.

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  1. Never judge a book by its cover.
    I have seen women in public places with velvet or leather choker/collar. They make me wonder. When it is a Mom a school function it really makes me go hmmm.

    Is it fashion or a statement?

    If there is a tattoo on their arm of a familiar bdsm triskele pattern most doubt is removed. But that is a very rare sign.

    In this day and age asking the simple question is not so simple. Especially in a public setting.
    So I smile and stay the friendly grandpa type politely walking on.

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