The Scary Thought of 24/7

I knew 24/7 was going to happen for 30 days of d/s, and here it is…

Not every d/s relationship is meant to be a 24/7 relationship. Some people don’t want that level of responsibility (dom or sub). For others, it just won’t fit in with their life. If you think you want it now or you might want it some day, today is the day to think about what that actually means. Like everything else in d/s, your 24/7 relationship can and will look different from someone else’s version. Do you want to go to 24/7 at some point? Why or why not? What do you think that would mean for your d/s relationship?

The subject of the email read: “Is 24/7 right for you?”
My answer is: “No!” It might actually be something like: “Hell no!”

I have come across the idea that 24/7 is the ideal. That is what we all strive to achieve and that is what we build our relationships towards. 24/7 is the goal and everything else is simply playing around and having fun, but not the real thing. (Very much like that one sentence in the introduction sounds like: “Some people don’t want that level of responsibility.”)
Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But that is often how it is portrait and shown.
That is how I have seen it for many, many years. Not in my relationships, but that of other people.

While my previous d/s relationships weren’t 24/7. They were “only” d/s. We didn’t live together. Most were LDR. When we spoke or saw each other it was always d/s. While they were strictly d/s, there were many things which didn’t fall into d/s. The possibility of 24/7 was never something I really had to consider.

While I have seen several couples living the 24/7 d/s thing, I have never seen a relationship model I could relate to. Each relationship is unique and I am amazed that people find ways of making it work the way they want and need. But none of them was even close to how I know I could be happy. It might be fun for a day or a week, but in the end, I will feel trapped, boxed in, and will want to break free.

Now I know that Michael likes the idea of 24/7. He would never pressure me into it and we have a lot of talks about it. He knows that it might never happen. He is ok with it, he says. And I believe him. But every now and then I am saddened that I can’t give him what he wants, when he is giving me so much of what I want.

Whenever I think of the concept of 24/7, more and more questions come to my mind. Questions I can’t answer and when I find answers, they lead to more questions.

How can I always be the submissive? I can’t. I can’t always be polite and say “yes Sir”.

Will he end arguments by using dominance? I want to make my point.

How can he make all the decisions and have the final word? I have my opinion and I can’t agree to something that I think isn’t right, just because he says so.

When does submission end and the real me begin? That is one of the crucial points. While I am submissive, I don’t define myself as such in the first place. Or the second or third. It is somewhere down the list, but not within the top 5 or even 10. My submissive self and my real self, as I called it, are not interchangeable.

How can he know? If I don’t know it, how can he?

Where does everyday life has it’s place? How is it possible to have my everyday life, when it’s always d/s?

Is it then still 24/7? When all those questions are answered in a way which satisfy me, how is it still 24/7?

Those are just a few of the questions I ask myself and there are so many more.

I wish, we could move away from seeing 24/7 as the ultimate goal and see it as just one of the options. All with the same level of dedication and responsibility.

Learn more about the 30 Days of D/S at LovingBdsm