Using a check list at the beginning of a potential d/s relationship is the best way to see whether it will work
There’s a romanticised idea that one day you’ll meet another person (or several people) and it will just fit. You’ll fall in love or whatever it is that you do and things will be perfect. This idea exists for vanilla relationships as well as for d/s ones.
I have friends, who have been married for a while. When they started dating, pretty early on they had a serious talk. They talked about wanting kids and where each of them would like to go and which goals either had. When they told their friends about it, I remember the outrage. There were different things which bothered people.
Some were bothered by the fact that the two had just started dating and already talked about such serious topics. They thought the couple should wait some more, see how it’ll go and then talk about it.
Others decided that it was completely unromantic to talk in such a practical way. Things could change over time. Why talk about it now and make decisions based on that.
I thought, my friends were brilliant. They were both in their late 20s. Both knew what they wanted in life and what they didn’t want. One of the things they had no interest in was wasting their time and unnecessary heartache.
So they talked about everything that was important to them right at the beginning. As I mentioned before, they are married. To each other. The relationship is not without its challenges, but which one isn’t.
I firmly believe that the same thing is true for d/s checklists.
Each party involved takes time and figures out what is important to them. Then they have a talk. Or use the checklist. Whether it’s a checklist that already exists in the world wide web or one they create themselves.
Checklists might not be the most romantic thing and seem cold and distant, but I believe that one can learn a lot about the other person. Or even oneself.
Of course there’s no guarantee that a d/s relationship will work out, if the lists say so. But they can be an indication and maybe make us trust that feeling we have about the new person in our life.
Check out more thoughts on checklists in the beginning of a d/s relationship:
It is necessary to speak. And the sooner the better. In order not to harbor unnecessary illusions and not to waste time from other people who, in fact, are not suitable for you.
Creating a checklist is a chore. And like any routine, you don’t want to do it. But necessary. And the sooner the better.