Sex means PIV
Everything else is foreplay, petting, making out, etc
I know for a fact that sex doesn’t mean PIV. Now I do. That hasn’t always been this way. I grew up with the same understanding most people I know have. There is petting and foreplay and oral and anal. But sex means a penis in a vagina. I feel there is a part of me which is still unlearning this.
The idea of what sex is, is shaped by society. There’s a norm and everything that is outside this norm, has to be something different. The more I think about it, the more confused I am. Where is the line between petting and sex? Are we making out or already having sex? It seems to be such an individual and case to case kind of definition.
I find it hard to describe what sex is exactly, besides PIV. Anal definitely counts as sex for me. Whereas calling it sex when I’m giving a man a blowjob or having him go down on me feels weird. When I masturbate, is that sex? If that is so, what if that happens in a dream? Did I have sex with myself?
Is it sex when there are orgasms? That is not true at all. I’ve had a penis in my vagina and neither of us had an orgasm. I’d still say we had sex. Maybe not very satisfying sex, but it was still sex.
And does that mean both need to orgasm for it to be sex? Or did only the person who had an orgasm have sex?
Connecting sex and orgasms and saying that the act can be referred to as sex is when at least one person orgasmed seems like a male point of view. Orgasms don’t come easy for me. And same is true for a lot of other women. While for men, it appears to be much easier.
I would love to be able to have an orgasm every time I have sex, but those two don’t go hand in hand for me.
Did we have sex, if I wear a vibrator and he has the remote control and makes me cum?
The more I write and think about it, the more I start to realise the following.
Maybe the word “sex” is what is the real problem.
If I’d say “sexual activities” and have a word for each, it would be easier for me.
Michael and I engaged in sexual activities. I gave him a blowjob, he fingered me, and then he stuck his cock in my vagina (poetry, I know).
How many people did I have sex with?
Well, that used to be an easy answer for me. Not because the number was small or easy to remember, but because thinking of sex as PIV was not complicated.
If I’d be asked this question today, I would need a lot of time to think. I could do some thinking back and counting. I would most likely make a list to make sure I didn’t forget anyone. And then I could name a number. Something between 35 and 40. I always feel like that is a rather big number. But oh well, it is what it is.
This number however is only the PIV sex I had.
This isn’t counting the three women I was with (or was it more?). It’s not counting in any other encounter I might have had.
How many people did I have sexual activities with?