A person, who identifies as submissive, went through some kind of trauma or is mentally unstable in some way.
So, I took my time writing my post for the current NoTrueWay. That had to do with life, but also because I wanted to see what other would say. I had a pretty good idea on what I wanted to write, but wasn’t sure whether that would upsetting to people or how to put my thoughts into words. As the window to to link up is coming to an end and a new prompt is waiting, I guess there’s no time like the present.
I will start with saying that I don’t disagree with the statement. And I believed it to be true in the past. Not as a general rule, but for many individuals I have met on my journey.
On the other hand, I also don’t agree with the quote. Let me try to explain.
I don’t believe the trauma or abuse or mental instability lead people into d/s and therefor everyone who is into d/s on some form has been through something or are in need of therapy.
That said, it is clear to me how d/s can be something that appeals to someone with a history of mental problems.
It’s not about d/s itself, but also similar things. Organised religion, counting calories, and so many other things.
D/s can give structure and function as a safety net. There are clear rules to follow, each day has a certain structure, and there is an immediate punishment when one is to not do a task or do it the wrong way.
I can share that tasks and doing them and having things a certain way, appeals so very much to my OCD (which I of course I don’t have – Michael and my friends made that up). Getting things done and crossing them off the list gives me great satisfaction. But my alleged OCD doesn’t make me mentally unstable or is the result of any trauma. And most certainly it’s not the reason I’m into d/s and a submissive. Even less so my misophonia.
I’d like to argue that now, after many years in the BDSM-related parts on Twitter, I have found the right people to follow and interact. But that was different in the beginning. I didn’t know much and looking back, I believe I have been surrounded by people with other needs than d/s. I have talked and interacted with several “subs” who had some kind of trauma or something else going on and instead of facing it or dealing with it, rather turned to d/s, for whatever reason.
At the same time I have seen “doms” who were textbook predators and took advantage of this submissives. All of that under the pretence of d/s.
As I was seeing these people, I often wondered whether there was something wrong with me, whether I had been traumatised and didn’t realise it. It took a lot of learning, talking, thinking, and understanding to see that it wasn’t the case.
I have learnt that it was true for dominants as well. They too wonder why they are into these things. I remember I had a lot of talks with the Captain about it. He kept asking “Why do I like this?”
Today I don’t see what I described not as much as I did. But then again, I’m surrounded by different people than back then.
And I still believe that the problem still exists. People, who use d/s to deal or not deal with issues, mental health, or trauma.
And others who take advantage of those people.