Show me your sub, I’ll show you who you are

Show me your sub, I’ll show you who you are

photo of woman holding a mirror
Photo by Miriam Espacio on

A submissive is a reflection of their Dominant.

This statement should not be true. In any shape or form. Let me explain.

We can all agree that we shouldn’t judge a person by the action and behaviour of another person. And yet we do that quite often. If we step back from the d/s context and look at the idea of the statement in a different situation.

A misbehaving child means the at the parents didn’t do a good job raising them. The parents have failed to teach the child how to behave well. The child did something wrong and it automatically reflects on the parents. I try not to do this, but often I fail. Especially when it’s not something negative.

Just the other day a friend texted me to let me know what a wonderful child I have, because said child helped her with some task or made it easier for her. Of course I was proud of my child, but at the same time this positive feedback meant that I did a good job at raising them.

But we can also look at the statement when it comes to adults and their relationships. Whether it’s friendships or love relationships. One will be judged by one’s friends. In a positive or negative way.

Show me your friends, I’ll show you who you are.

Assyrian Proverb

It is true. The people we surround ourselves with, influence us. I won’t argue with that. And it’s up to us to know how much influence we’ll allow. It’s not always an easy decision or a conscious one. People who are friends with someone we don’t like, are less likely to be liked by us.

Same is also true with love relationships. Society reflects who you date into you. And them. And their action somehow become yours. We can see that with public figures and their partners. The partner does or says something stupid, bad, unacceptable and right away the other one has to answer for it. Their behaviour reflects onto their partner.

I believe that he kink community is working hard to prove the statement to not be true. Or at least the people within the lifestyle I interact with. But at the same time, this quote was read on a website trying to help new submissives.

And also, from my personal experience, I can say there are plenty of people who think that way. After the “big sex-blogger conflict (to put it nicely) of spring 2020” I found myself right there without actually being a part of it. Blocked-by-association.

Let’s come back to the statement. It was meant to explain the submissive how to behave around other people. Everything they do shows everyone whether the dom did a good job training them. If they misbehave, the dom isn’t doing a good job controlling them. And if they do well? Good job dominant!

I don’t want the quote to be true. And yet it is. In some other situations and relationships besides d/s. And it’s not even up to me or Sir. While his actions are not mine and vice versa, other people might disagree.

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