X for XYZ

X for XYZ

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We are responsible for:

– keeping our home clean

– cooking meals

– running errands

– remembering all of our dominants likes and dislikes

– anticipating their needs

– doing every task they give us without being reminded

– and a million other things

Let’s talk about mental load.

I have been part of many talks and workshops about mental load, especially the mental load women seem to have. Work, home, kids. Remembering appointments, making sure everyone has all the things they need, shopping, laundry – and a million other things. One of the things the pandemic showed, was the fact that even in relationships where both partners share the mental load, in the end it was mostly the woman, who stayed home with the kids during lockdown. It were the mothers homeschooling the children. Or taking care of parents or in-laws. Its not fair, but sadly it is the way things still are.

When it comes to d/s I’m not willing to do that anymore. That doesn’t mean I will not care for my dom, but I refuse to be the one responsible for everything. Cooking meals and running errands has nothing to do with d/s for me. All those things are part of living together, whether that is every day or short periods of time.

And in the past two and a half years, I have seen that things can be different. He will happily go shopping, cook, and even do (naked) cleaning. That doesn’t make him less domly and me less subby. We both have responsibilities and things we expect the other to do.

I have daily and weekly tasks. In order to help me with them, I have a schedule. When I’m unable to do things, I communicate this and we talk about it or postpone it or it simply doesn’t get done.

Just as he has things I expect of him. Something he promised or whatever I need to know he’s taking care of me.

I’m not the only one responsible and I couldn’t be in a relationship where I am. While I love being in charge, decide things, plan, I also love that a submissive I can give up control and do as I’m told. Knowing that is what pleases him.

Oh, and remembering his likes and dislikes is something totally normal. That is what people do when they care for each other. I would never put corn on his pizza, because he thinks it’s an abomination. Just like he’d never try and feed me a banana-chocolate cake.

I will never be responsible for XYZ and a million other things, because he will not allow it. Whenever I want to take on a new task, he will ask me “Do you have the time for that?” If I don’t, he will not allow it. Because he looks out for me, as I look out for him. And we both make sure, the mental load we carry, is not too much.

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