Submission isn’t about what you want to do.
Of course it is about what I want. And yet, sometimes it’s not.
Submission in a normal, healthy d/s relationship is all about what I want and what I want to do. It starts with the fact that I want to submit. I want to enter into a relationship with another person with a certain type of power exchange and power imbalance. There are things I want to do or have done to me. There might be even things I don’t know I want to do, but I’m open to explore and learn and try.
I willingly enter into this relationship. It’s all about consent. Everything else would be abuse and not SSC (safe, sane, consensual). At the beginning things are negotiated and there is always a way out. A safeword or something like that. And if the worst come to the worst there is always the option of ending the relationship.
I can see how it might seem that submission is not about what I want or want to do. Especially for people outside d/s and all that. But it’s not. And writing this on a website which prides itself with helping and guiding (new) submissive is dangerous, to say the least. Yes, I give away some of the power and decisions and control, but I do it, because I want to. And yet, I still hold as much power as I did before.
Let me give you an example. I have a weekly schedule. It’s something we decided on together. I like it – because essentially it’s a list and that works so very well for me. It helps me structure my day and week and keep up with all the things I need to do. It also gives Sir an idea on how my week looks like. Additionally it allows him to check on tasks done (or not) and provides him with the opportunity to throw in a special task every now and then.
Today, besides work and yoga, there are other things on the schedule. One of them is “one orgasm”. Some days I may have an orgasm, if I feel like it, or more than one. Other don’t have orgasms and I have to ask permission. But today, I have to have an orgasm. Obviously, if local life would not allow it to happen, I would mention that and this task would be not done or moved to a later day. But today is different.
I had a rather bad day yesterday and there are things which need to be talked about and discussed – while we don’t seem to find time for it. Anyway, I don’t feel like having an orgasm. Of course, I could now explain it to Sir and he would be understanding, because he always is. But that doesn’t feel right.
I am part of this dynamic, because I chose to and because I choose it every single day. I do my tasks, because I want to do them. But also do tasks, because Sir wants it. I do things, because he wants me to do them. As I said before, it is a relationship. This means there is more than one person involved. Both need to have their needs met and that means to look out for each other.
So it does happen that I do things I don’t enjoy doing. Like getting dressed to take a walk with him to the store when we’re together or take a nap when he tells me to. It also means he does things he might not enjoy as much as I do.
Also, I have agreed to do as I’m told. Because I like being told what to do, because I trust that he has my best interest at heart, because it makes me excited and wet when he tells me what to do, because I want to do it. Everything I do is of my free will. As is everything he does of his free will.
Submission is not about what I want to do.
It is not about what he wants to do.
It is about what we both want to do.
And, I guess, it’s time for an orgasm.