English Circumstances

English Circumstances

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Way back, when I was dating and serving the man known as the Captain, we would make sure to see each other at least every 1.5 weeks. He didn’t live in the same town as I, so we had to make time. It was really him taking care of that.
Right when we started messaging, I made clear, I was looking for someone local. And yet, we met and kissed. But even then, I took several days to think about whether I really wanted that.
He was always the one who would do the drive to see me. It was about1.5 hours one way I believe. I have to admit, I was impressed. Because that was not something I was used to. Usually I was the one doing the travelling and planning and all. I remember how he looked at me in disbelieve when I said, I’d come see him. “Of course I’m the one to come and see you”. I’m not going to lie, I was impressed.

What is the point of sharing something with you that has been over for many years? There was an expression he’d use. In German obviously.
Whenever circumstances didn’t allow us to see each other for a while, he’d call it:

English Circumstances

He was referring to my first dom, who lived (and probably still does) in England. In the 2.5 years we were together (maybe it was more?), we managed to see each other 3 times, or was it 4. A week here, couple days there. That was in 2008 and the following years. Before WhatsApp and such. So, the Captain would joke and compare us not seeing each other for 2 weeks with that relationship.

Even in one particular relationship afterwards, I often had to think of that expression. I was seeing someone, who lived across the street. Literally. And somehow we still manage to barely find time together. In real life and also on WhatsApp and such. He was across the street, but felt like lightyears away.

Flash forward to 2019. I met Michael, who, as you know, is not local. Not even close. And sometimes I wish it was only 1.5 hours each direction. Yes, in 2019 I was looking for someone local, but here I am. And I don’t regret it.
The other day he shared that sometimes he worries that he’s too far away. I’m not going to lie to you – it sucks. Not having him by my side is not my favourite. But even knowing that I can’t simply get in my car, drive for a bit and see him, touch him, kiss him, sucks. A lot.
I hate that he’s not close by, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

When he shared his thoughts with me, I remembered that little quote.
Yes, he’s not close by. Yes, I don’t get to see him whenever I want. Seeing him always involves planning and travelling. Covid didn’t make things easier. But as I told him. I don’t feel like we are apart.
While he is kilometres and miles away, he is always with me. There are so many messages throughout the day. Starting with good morning and ending with good night. Voice messages, updates on what either of us is doing, calls – you name it.

It all is really about commitment, showing one’s partner that you care, and making time. Michael might be far away, but he always makes me his priority. I am aware of that, I love that, I appreciate that, and I try to do the same.

While he is in England, this definitely aren’t “English Circumstances”.

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