Money, Money, Money

Money, Money, Money

cheerful couple making online purchases at home
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

As a Dom, you will need suits, shirts, ties, smart shoes. Or sexy clothes, whips, chains, high heels.

These things aren’t cheap. Buy yourself gifts and something pretty using your sub’s resources.

After all, your sub will be happy since they are the ones that made it possible.

And enjoying the view is more than enough of a reward for them.

So, where do I start? It’s hard to say. I think a have already written about the idea of d/s and clothing. I mean, I love a man in a suit. But that is not how my dom becomes more domly to me. Men in suits aren’t necessarily dominant at all. Maybe some would like to be seen that way, but it is not true. A jeans and a shirt is perfectly fine. But that is not what I want to concentrate on in this post.

It’s the idea that the sub has to pay. Now I have made different experiences in my life. I have been with doms, who always paid. I didn’t mind that. Although, I did buy the occasional bottle of wine or a toy. But they paid for everything really. That’s Was nice, but not necessary, from my point of view.

What impressed me more was a dom’s willingness to come to me and make clear I wouldn’t be the one travelling (even if it’s just a 1.5 hour car ride). It’s not the money, it’s the time which I always valued more.

I have also been with the opposite. Relationship where I’d always pay. I will admit it was a bit weird. There’s the idea of the man always or at least usual be the one paying, so it felt weird. But really what bothered me that in those cases I was the one paying the plane ticket and so on, and then for other stuff. And that was back when I wasn’t making too much money.

Today I can buy a plane ticket and pay for food and an Airbnb of some sort. I don’t need anyone to pay for everything. But the idea of feeling fulfilled in a way because my dom uses my money to buy things for himself, is simply stupid, awful, and dangerous.

Of course it depends on the dynamic and some enjoy financial control. Who am I to blame? I ask permission for food and to use the bathroom. But giving up control over my finances? I don’t think so.

(I think I could imagine, in some distant future, to ask permission to buy things.)

I never even had a shared account with someone. And I don’t plan on ever doing that. Do I enjoy buying my dom nice things and see him wear it? Hell yes. But that is because I enjoy giving people I care about little mementos, something that’ll make them happy. Knowing Michael wears the bracelet I gave him, makes me happy. Seeing him wear it, makes me happy. But so does seeing the necklace I gave Molly or knowing a friend is reading the book, I bought for them.

The aassumption that the sub is supposed to pay for nice, expensive stuff for the dom and be happy with it is wrong. While there is No True Way, this is definitely not it.

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  2. I’m with you, gifting someone something brings joy to me, regardless of the cost and relationship. But it’s not a responsibility that features in our dynamic, nor would I want it to be. FinDom scares me. I’ve friends who enjoy it, but it’s not for me. I value the insight into other sex bloggers who have found freedom through handing over control of their finances, and I could never say that wouldn’t happen. But for me time is what I value most.

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