I haven’t been writing a lot lately. But that seems to be very common with the other bloggers I follow. I didn’t even realise a new KinkOfTheWeek was up, and already coming to an end. Until the morning walk.
The three of us talked about the topic of contracts and that got me thinking. I am aware that there are couple within the BDSM world, who have contracts. I have read about it, I might have even come across one or two contracts. Not one which was actually between two people, but a model contract. It has been years since then and to be honest, I don’t remember much of the wording.
I can see the appeal of a contract. Not that a contract is very sexy thing. I mean, I’m sure there are people out there who think that. Not everything is supposed to be sexy and exciting. Talking about limits and past hurtful experience and so many other things, which are essential, aren’t necessarily sexy and hot. Contracts are a way to negotiate, talk about expectations, make each other feel secure.
Of course I’m talking about normal contracts, not anything of the 50 Shades kind of way. As any other contract, it is me at to be between two (or more) parties. And it is about the responsibilities of everyone involved, not just one person.
While I don’t think a d/s contract is ever something I’d want or need, I can see the benefits of it. It can provide structure, clarity, understanding of everyone’s desires and expectations. And it could change, because relationships change. No one is in the same relationship as they started in, while still with the same person. Whenever something changes the contract needs to be adjusted. This way all new developments, good and challenging, need to be talked about and a common ground has to be found. (The more I write about it, the more I seem to begin liking the idea.)
I was curious though and searched for BDSM contracts online. While the first pages, which came up, seemed sensible and talked about how both the submissive and the dominant have responsibilities and stuff, I was not satisfied. They all talked about titles, scenes, specific little details. The things they suggested to write into the contracts are things which need to be talked about and be clear on right in the beginning of a BDSM-like relationship. What are ones limits? What are the roles and titles? Is it RL/online/24/7? And all that can change too.
And there were those beautiful hard cover booklet for the contracts. Truly gorgeous, but useless. Why have a hardcover book of something that will change over and over and over?
In the end, it’s all about what the people involved in the relationship enjoy. Are contracts for me? Probably not, even though I can see the benefits.
See more thoughts on the current KinkOfTheWeek:
I’m definitely going to write about this before the end of the month. You’re right a written contract is only useful on the day or week it was written. Things change and life moves on. But contracts don’t have to be written, they can be about the things the two of you have agreed. You’ve definitely. stirred some thoughts. Great post and thanks for getting my creativity going.