No Regrets

No Regrets

Today changed my life. Not really today, but today three years ago. Today, three years ago, everything changed. And looking back, so many things changed. The whole world changed. But that is not connected to how my life changed three years ago today.

I wrote about it before. I hope there will be many more years to come, when I will get to write about how the 18th of September 2019 was a starting point of something special and wonderful. But this year is hard. This year has been very hard for me, because of way too many reasons. I’d like to go back to a year ago, but I know I can’t.

All day I have been thinking and contemplating about writing a post. And it took me until I was snuggled in bed to decide to write. Three years ago I responded to Michael’s tweet and the rest is history. Since that moment we have been working on our relationship. And that is hard. It’s hard in person and even harder in a LDR. Plus, Covid and everything else. A relationship is always work. And I don’t make it easy for him. Neither does he for me.

Yet it seems, we can’t be without each other. The thought of not having him in my every day life gives me panic attacks. Quite literally. I have trouble breathing, my heart races, my head stops working – and tears cannot be stopped. Right now is not an easy time. For me. For us as well, I guess.

And still, I’m so glad, I responded to that tweet three years ago. Because I love him in a way I have never loved anyone before. The intensity of this love is overwhelming at times. If I could, I’d spent all my time on the phone with him, in his arms, or just looking at him.

He’s such a silly, stubborn man, who drives me insane and makes me act so fucking stupid at times. The fear of losing him, of not being with him, of his love stopping is nothing I have every felt. And his silliness and stubbornness are the reasons he’s still with me. Who else would be crazy enough to put with me?

I’m glad I responded to that tweet. And I can only hope, he is too and does not regret responding to mine.

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