Owning me is a lot like dealing with a child, who is constantly testing their boundaries. Not all the time, but those moments are definitely there. And I’m not saying difficult, but yes, I do like to see how far I can take it.
This happens a lot in the beginning of a d/s relationship. And often the men don’t pass the test. What are rules for, if I can’t get out of not doing things, or doing things I wasn’t supposed to do? In my opinion, there should be consequences. Which leads me to my other favourite part: Getting myself out of a punishment.
I won’t do it every time and often enough I will accept the punishment, feel submissive and take it like the good girl I am – or want to be. But again, I like to try out and see how far I can go. Where’s the fun in always being able to talk my way out of consequences?
Of course there are situations when a task can’t be done or it is clear that there should be no punishment. And not every rule breaking is huge and needs to be dealt with. It is all about assessing the situation. For example, if I hadn’t slept well for days and then one evening fall asleep without saying “good night”, because I’m so exhausted, I expect him to understand. And that too shows whether it is a good match – or whether he’s an asshole.
But I admit, in addition to being a bratty sassy submissive, I like to test. I know that is not for everyone and that is fine by me. I have found a dominant, who enjoys the way I am, who accepts, understands and is strict and firm when need to be. In addition, he makes me feel that I can say and ask for anything. On occasion I have found myself asking for more consequences and for him to not always being understanding, but more strict. My love for the proverbial shovel is huge. In the past year or so I have found to have neglected it.
Another thing I often do, and I work very hard to stop that, is withdrawing my submission when I’m upset with him. As I said, I work on that, but it’s not always easy. So there might be tasks I choose not to do, because of this. And when we talk about it afterwards, I realise how stupid my actions were. (Note: The actions – or lack thereof – are stupid, not me.)
Thinking back, I still test my boundaries and see what I can get away with. But way less than in the beginning of the relationship. And yet, I found myself in a bit of a testing mood. I have a weekly schedule. I cross things off as I do them or at bedtime, the latest. Last week was a bit challenging and it ended with not all things done or crossed off. Yesterday I brought that up and asked whether we were going to talk about it. Oh and the fun I had last night.
I argued that things not done and things not crossed off should not have the same amount of points. I enjoyed it and took it all a bit further. Answering “yes” and “no”, without adding “Sir”. I was shoveling away and I think both of us were enjoying it greatly.
I was presented with a number of points, 28. I did some more discussing and wondered whether my “attitude” (his words) was noticed. Alas, it wasn’t. More numbers were thrown in and suddenly I was presented with a very different number. 160. Dear Lord, I thought and at the same time my mind and body screamed “yes please”. In the end that number was raised to 188. I got a chance to pick. He counted down from 10 and I didn’t say anything. I knew which number I wanted, but saying 188 was too hard. So I laid there quietly and hoped he’d read my mind and chose what I wanted.
I was not disappointed. He typed 0 and then “188 it is”. For a split second I thought about bringing up more arguments, but I decided not to. So here I am, I added the 188 points to the points I already had and I have the unbelievable number of 320 points.
I can’t wait to see him and work my points off. And maybe, just maybe, I can get myself to behave till then. Wish me luck.