On a winter morning in January I tweeted:
“It´s Sunday morning and @newsigns2 is being mean to me. He is making fun of my English and telling me that I need to edge instead of having an orgasm.”
The conversation that followed included him saying: “This isn´t being mean. I could show you mean if you like.”
A normal person would´ve said something like: “No, thanks, I’m good.”
I… on the other hand… different story.
There was a challenge and I am too curious for my own good and he knows me so well. Long story short, I tried to be smart and think about. But that didn´t help and I agreed to “mean week” – because being mean only one day isn´t fun, apparently.
Now that mean week is over, it’s time to return to our regular routine and look back on a week with challenges, lessons and a connection that deepened.
All kinds of mean little things
There were minor tasks and challenges. Like not wearing panties for a day, wearing my plug (which happened on the same day as no panties), my workout schedule was modified and left me in pain. He was stricter about my food – what I eat and when I eat it. And several tasks involved clothes pins on different parts of my body, of course including the nipples – something I dislike very much.
Also, he made me sing and record it! Twice! And the first time was in the bathroom at work. Oh, I should mention I hate to sing – out loud, for others to hear, even if it just him.
A lot of his meanness was about my bathroom usage. I’m not sure how much I want to share on here and how much you want to read about it. But let’s put it that way: If I type “May I”, my phone completes the sentence into “use the bathroom Sir”.
A result connected to that is a 600 word long post in my drafts, which one day I might share here. Or not.
At first I was not sure whether I should ask for orgasms at all. What is meaner than wanting orgasms and not getting them? Well, a lot of things.
But I did ask and was allowed to have an orgasm. And another one. And another one. Just as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.
Suddenly edging didn´t seem so bad… or so I thought.
In general I am ok with edging. Not that I would prefer edging over having an orgasm, but it can be fun.
There was a bit of edging this week. One day this week I had to egde every hour till he had the idea of making me write a post, 800 words long, on the topic: Why I should be allowed to orgasm
I’ve learned things about myself this week. I hate failing and asking for help or admitting that I can’t do something. That is true in work life as well as D/s. Most of my tasks were doable, but some weren’t. Nothing I had influence over. If you can’t cum, you can’t cum. There was no punishment for that, only understanding. And that is what was hard for me, as funny as it sounds. Accepting that I failed, accepting that it’s out of my control, accepting that there are no consequences. All those things will need to be worked on.
It´s always word
On the first night he send me two voice messages. And they blew my mind. All he said was that I will have to prove myself worthy to be his sub. He continued saying that I will know my place and he will train me to be what he wants, when he wants it.
Truth to be told, if those messages were send to me in the beginning of a possible relationship then it would never get any further. “Prove myself” to a guy? Every time I heard that before, my mind went to “you have to be fucking kidding me”. Here it was different. Although we might still be at the beginning of our relationship, it has already reached a certain point.
So, what happened to my mind when I heard him say all those things, was that I slipped into a wonderful submissive state. But that state requires lots and lots of aftercare.
It doesn´t matter how many tasks and mean things he makes me do. It´s always the words that get right to my head and allow me to reach a special kind of submission.
Not so … Mean Week
Mean week made me feel vulnerable. Which is quite alright. Because mean week was not all mean. There was so much talking and caring happening during mean week. Besides showing me how creative Michael can be, it also showed me how important my well-being is to him. Even when he is being mean.