A date is what you make of it

A date is what you make of it

“You’re not a girl to date. You’re a girl to marry.”

I was told that once by a guy. Neither of us had any interest in dating each other. We were friends. To this day I haven’t figured out what he meant to say by it.

But maybe it’s what others also saw in me. I haven’t gone on many dates in my life.

Now, after a talk with Michael, I understand that my idea of dating might differ from that of other people. So please, let me elaborate.

Dating always meant to me that I am meeting a man I’m interested in being together with. Someone I want to know better and see whether we are compatible and we want a relationship.

In my mind a date would mean going to the movies together or to a restaurant or something of that kind. Writing this makes me realise how much the movie industry has shaped my idea of what a date should be.

The few dates I had, I mostly enjoyed because of the attention. Being picked up, go to a nice place and so on. But it was rarely about the man I was with.

It makes me think that the kind of dating I always thought of is not for me. Whatever the case is, things are very different now.

Now I find myself in a long distance relationship. And that makes going on dates fucking hard. We can’t just go out in the evening. Or meet for a picnic in the park. As I went to meet Michael for the first time, I knew it wouldn’t be just a date.

I’ll be honest with you. I don’t care much about going on a date. And when we actually are in each other’s presence, I’d rather stay in with him and enjoy every moment of our time together. I don’t want to waste one minute on a movie in a movie theatre.

Yet, I see how having dates can be important for a relationship. And thinking about it made me realise that we actually had dates and have them. It’s all about how you look at things.

How can we have dates?

We talk on the phone. We make time in our day and schedule calls. We did that long before we started a relationship. And I remember the first time we talked the night away.

We have video calls. We get to see each other. Not only in the naughty way, but also doing regular, daily things.

We have TV dates. That means we find time to sit down, each in their home, have a call – a video call most of the time – and watch a TV show together.

We have dates. Every time we are together. No matter whether we are in each other’s presence or on the phone in some way or even messaging. A date doesn’t need to be a special occasion.

A date is being together, growning together, learning about each other.

Find out about other people’s dates:


  1. It’s all a matter of perspective. We still date after 14 years of marriage. I’d say it’s any time you purposefully set aside time to just be together and focus on one another. They can happen spontaneously too, I suppose.

    Doing it long distance must be so hard…

    1. Lillith

      LDR is hard. But to be honest, this relationship is better than so many other.
      I used to be with a guy, who literally lived across the street. (I can see his living room from mine.)
      Yet, I have already spend more time with Michael in RL, and any other way. And got to know him more.
      It’s all about how much you want to make it work, I guess.

  2. Great post – and I totally agree with you. A date is whatever you want it to be. For me it is also about laying down memories about the things you share. This strengthens a relationship

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