Svetlana was the first girl I ever kissed. I was 15, I believe. And all I could think was: “Too bad. She’s as bad of a kisser as her boyfriend.” Now, I will not get into how I knew what kind of kisser he was. I’ll leave it up to your imagination.
Since then there were a few women I kissed, made out and got to explore. There was one young woman I met with my first dom and we spend an evening together. And then there was the woman I met when I was with the Captain. That was just for myself. While both were fun, I wasn’t satisfied.
All those encounters did, was leave me more curious than I was before.
Since then, all I did was flirt with women, but I never got the chance to explore more. One of the reasons might’ve been, because I have no idea what to do. I have always felt like a total beginner. I know my body and what I like, but I also know that every woman is different. How will I know what she likes?
Men are so much easier. Also, I have so much more experience with them.
There were moments when I wondered what it would feel like to touch another woman, be touched by her. Feel her lips, kiss her, explore her body. Take my time and learn. But again, no opportunity for that and I didn’t specifically look for one. Now that I’m writing about it, I realise that I wanted more than just an evening together. I needed a connection. I wanted to feel safe and understood.
Something that is more ongoing than just an ONS. Some kind of relationship. A friendship. Someone I can talk to and kiss and laugh. But life has been and continues to be very busy, and with all the things I’m already doing and am involved with, I had no idea where to fit that in.
Since I went to England in October, and even before with all the planning, I had found myself a new friend. Or maybe not so new. Molly and I had been emailing back and forth many years ago, but never managed to meet. It was amazing finally meeting her in person, talking, spending time together laughing, rolling eyes at Michael, or enjoying the hot tub.
I got to go back and visit again. It was different this time. It wasn’t new, it felt safe and a little bit like home.
It was a wonderful week and I will need to write about it soon. There are so many thoughts and emotions, which need to be sorted. But that will take time and might happen only bit by bit.
There was one evening in the hot tub. Molly and I were talking. I can’t even remember about what. There had been so many topics. A lot of them very emotional and deep. It was lovely.
But as I said, we had spent some time in the hot tub, when Molly looked at me and asked whether it would be alright for her to kiss me.
My head exploded with thoughts. Do I want that? What will this mean? What does Michael think about it? How will that make him feel?
But at the same time I knew I wanted it. So I stopped the thoughts for a bit and simply said yes. And it was lovely. Much better than I expected.
The following days where amazing and while I won’t get into details yet, as I’m still sorting my thoughts and feelings, I can say that the thought of the first kiss and all the kisses following that make smile every single time.
What does that all mean?
It means, I got to explore, I got to give in to my curiosity, I got to understand that there’s so much more I want to learn and understand. I don’t know what the future will bring. While I have plans on coming and visiting again, I’m not sure how and when this will actually happen.
All I know is that I have one more special person in my life. Someone I care about and think about.
I did not expect this to ever happen, but it seems, I have a girlfriend now. And I’m happy.