The other day I messaged Michael and admitted to something I had just realised at that moment.
More than 2 years ago, I wrote a post on bathroom control. When I wrote it, the experiment had just started. I was scared, which I mentioned in my post.
Now, that I had reread my post, I can see how some things have changed. I don’t wonder anymore whether enough time has passed since the last time I asked. I don’t wait longer than I should or plan ahead, in case he says no. I simply ask and wait.
I had come across the idea of bathroom control before. I had experienced it when with some doms – only one really. I had seem other people mention it as part of their d/s. And I always wondered how that worked. Especially when the d/s was LDR. I could not imagine how it’ll be. And also, because I am me, I struggled. I have no idea why I do, but I struggle with new things.
It had started, I was worried, a bit hesitant. More than 2 years went by and some adjustment were made. More rules really, but introduced bit by bit. It became more of a normal thing for me.
Past Friday, as I had just asked permission to use the bathroom and thanked him, as I was peeing, I had a realisation. And that realisation needed to be shared.
“I am enjoying bathroom control.” I texted.
It was a genuine feeling. In that moment, I was really, really happy about it.
I had hesitated, I was ok with it. But I never was a big fan. Maybe part of it was, because it is a bit of a taboo and there was some shame playing into it. Maybe it was something different.
Like giving up control about something I don’t really have control over. It is quite intimate. Yet, here I was. Now that I think about it, I am very surprised about myself, about my feelings. But at that moment, I wasn’t. It felt natural.
I had not realised how normal it had become over that time. Every day, every week, every month which went by made it into something that is a part of me, a part of us.
It also is something different to me. While life can be hectic and things are not always easy, this part is always the same. It might be altered, but it doesn’t change. We might fight, make each other angry or be in a bad place mentally. These moments can make it very hard for me to say my morning confirmation or call him Sir. And I won’t lie, it also doesn’t make asking permission to pee easier. That too suffers from my go-to-move of withdrawing my submission. Yet, it is different. Asking permission grounds me. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it snaps me out of the mood I have or makes me less angry at him. But it certainly helps.
And, as I said in that most 2.5 years ago, it helps us stay connected. No matter what is going on.
Who would’ve thought something like bathroom control could do that?